Recovering from people pleasing does not mean you have to become selfish, greedy or uncaring. It is about having empathy and empowering others so they can step into their own power to “fix” themselves or their situation. It’s accepting help from others and realizing it’s not a imposition if someone else is offering support. It also doesn’t point to a lack of strength if you do need help. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you allow others to step in and help, you are doing them a favor just as much as they are doing you a favor. As humans, we enjoy helping others. It makes us feel good. It helps us feel “on purpose”. It helps us feel connected.
It’s about straightening out the scales so they aren’t tipped to one side, so that you aren’t martyring yourself to take care of others at the expense of your own self-care and well-being. It’s about caring without over-caring. It’s about listening without always trying to step in to “fix” or “rescue” someone else from something they’re going through. It’s about allowing others to feel capable of “fixing” things for themselves and helping them see their own strength without forcing your own. It’s about letting go of control or feeling the need to control other people’s happiness through your own actions and sacrifice. The only person’s happiness you can control is your own. You are also the only one who knows what YOU need and you’re the only one who can communicate those needs to others when they aren’t being met and ask for help when you can’t meet your own needs. It’s not your job to meet everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own. If you can meet someone else’s need easily, do it. If you can acknowledge someone else’s need to help them feel seen or heard, do it. Just don’t forget that you’re worthy of the same! You also deserve to be seen and heard.
When we people please, we sometimes hide ourselves and our needs from others because we don’t want to impose. We play small. We downplay how much we are hurting, how unheard and unseen we feel because sharing that with others makes us feel vulnerable and as though we are asking for too much. That thought pattern needs to change. You are worthy of being heard, of being seen, of having your needs met.
When we spend so much time meeting other people’s needs, we forget how to meet our own. We hold the power and we are accountable for asking for what we need when we can’t meet our own needs and need support from others in doing so. It’s all about balance. You can still be kind, empathetic, generous, giving and agreeable while also setting clear, strong boundaries. Life is all about balance …. In all the things. Are your scales tipped more heavily to one side?